Everything about him screamed your future.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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