Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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