false alarm. still invincible.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
