I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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