now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
