Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
