it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
