If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
