If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
