your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
