Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
