It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
