fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
