On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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