He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize