i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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