Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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