I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
