I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
