she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
