i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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