READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
