are you still at the devil's house?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
