Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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