I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
