Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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