Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
