After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
