About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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