dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
