did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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