Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
