Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
