five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
