I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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