Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
