You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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