I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
