Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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