You're completely useless in the revolution.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
