I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
