Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
