I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Randomize
