I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
