I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
