She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Couch. On fire.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
