btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
