I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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