Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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