Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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