I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
