***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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