Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
