she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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