I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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