You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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