also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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