She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
please don't ironically join a cult
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