You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
