between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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