I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize