I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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