i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
