im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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