just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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