How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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